My story:

For the first 26 years of my life I followed the ‘good girl’ path, doing everything that was expected of me - high school, Bachelors, Masters, full-time job in an industry that others approved of. 

I thought I’d manifested everything I could want. I was a French-Canadian girl living in London, managing high profile events, from a 3-day festival in Richard Branson’s backyard, to a private Usher concert, and loving every minute of my busy life. But I was also overworked and underpaid. 

It was during our busiest season leading up to Christmas that I received the phone call nobody wants to receive. My dad had pancreatic cancer and my life was about to change forever.

I spent the next two years going back and forth between London and my hometown in France, desperately trying to maintain my foothold on the good girl path, whilst also supporting my parents. The energy was draining out of me and although I know it sounds dramatic, I felt like if I didn’t stop I might die.

When a psychologist told me I was suffering from burnout I just thought it meant I was tired. At that point I didn’t appreciate that this was something that could take me out for months, years, or lead to more serious issues. 

For the first time in my life I made a fully conscious decision that was from me and for me: I handed in my notice and moved back home to take care of my Dad.

It turned out that although this was what I wanted, the reality was I still didn’t prioritise my wellbeing. Instead I became a full-time caregiver: cooking, cleaning, going to medical appointments, supporting my mum and carrying the emotional weight of my Dad fading away in front of us.

As hard as it was, having made that decision myself meant I didn’t regret a single moment. 

It wasn’t until my Dad passed away a year later that I realised I was now burnt out in every way: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
I’d lost my strength and then myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore, or even what I wanted to eat for breakfast.

After a trip to Iceland with my boyfriend and friends I sat in floods of tears. I’d spent the whole trip making sure everyone else was enjoying their time and in doing so had put so much pressure on myself I was miserable. In that moment I realised I’d been trying to control other people’s happiness, something I had and still have no control over. I felt as though the trip had been over in 3 minutes because I hadn’t been able to be fully present. It felt like a missed opportunity to be happy in what was a very dark time.

This is when I knew something had to change.

It was finally time to leave the good girl path behind and begin my journey on the recovery path. This was the path that would lead me back to my body, the ability to rest, to set boundaries, to reprioritise what’s important, to take care of myself and regain my sense of self, hope and ultimately re-join my own life!